I don’t know why, but I’ve always been the kind of person that gets my hopes up really really high, even for the smallest things, and then when things tend to go off course or not as planned disappointment hits me hard, really hard. And I hate that, I’ve been trying really really hard to not get my hopes up and just stay on a very grounded level foundation and what not, because I know the disappointment will kill me…but as the days get closer and the thoughts whirl I can only imagine what’s to come, and there are so many courses to take, so many possibilities and that unknown scares me, gotta keep my hopes level, because tonight’s a perfect example of me letting my hopes get high and then the disappointment settling…over such a small thing, seriously…I wish I could just shut it off, it would be easy to just turn that off and never have to feel it but I know that’s completely ridiculous and I need to shut up and grow up and I sound like a stupid pathetic little girl…

No wonder why my therapist thinks I have a problem with self-deprecation. 

And I think I’m going to go make a personal blog now so I can write all this shit out..okay bye.

1. alyeskaa posted this